dancing goldfish

it’s been two weeks since my exams ended and it’s been a little over a week since i started job hunting. As much as i’d love to take a longer break and not start job hunting that soon, my bleeding account permits me from doing so and i am already getting some heat from my family. Like seriously, get off my back. I am trying to look for a job OK, and looking is easier than getting offered the job role out of 100-500 over applicants. 

To be given an interview opportunity i already count myself lucky. It’s okay to get an interview but then no job offer in the end. It’s normal. And yes, there are some jobs that i applied to had 500 over other applicants. The job market is not just quiet, it is dull gray and i have been hogging the job portals every afternoon, 3/4 of time. I’ve been spending more time at home as well, not wanting to go out and spend money. Keeping my budget tight and minimal. 

There are jobs that i really want to land in but there are a lot more people who are better than me in terms of skills and experience, so there’s no fight at all. While i am sourcing for jobs, the heat i am receiving makes me feel more and more like a living puppet.

“What do you live for?” my brain asked me minutes ago.

“I had lived to follow the path that my family thought what was best for me, everything i listened and followed. Their expectations had done nothing but harmed and scarred me. Now it is the time for me to follow what i want to do/try, to listen to my own heart. For the puppet has learnt to move on its own. No matter what obstacles i encounter from my decisions, i will pick myself up, learn and move on.” 

That’s what i thought and it prompted me to be here ranting away to my heart’s content. My life is made up of my choices, my decisions, my mistakes. 

And Mark reminded me to each its own. Every job has its perks and everyone has different interests. I detest doing programming but it doesn’t stop people from aspiring to be programmers and like i said, every job has its perks. What interests them in applying a particular job may not necessarily interest me. 

And i have to remind myself as well that the future is mine to hold and write, i shouldn’t allow anyone to dictate my job choices. if you want to judge, go ahead. I mustn’t allow others’ opinions to affect me, to question my own decisions.  

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