unrest

noor shira
noor shirazie

when reality rear its ugly head
in the night in the darkness
you don’t have a safe house to seek cover

you can only brace yourself
count your fingers and toes
and hope reality won’t fuck you over badly

when it injects a dose of unhappiness and stress
into your bloodstream
waiting you to succumb to its poison

-thoughts in my head

the abundance flow of stress and worry in my system never fails my mind nor my train of thoughts. Exams are a little more than two months away, my speed in memorizing my theory contents is so slow. I’ve been studying almost everyday, exception of days where I’ve to drag my lazy ass to school, like today for instance. But it’s still not good enough.  My brain is really working like a snail, a snail who is on the brink of retirement. 

the fear of failing is written in my bones. what if i can’t graduate? i am not academically smart at all. my job hunting searches would all go to the drain. i didn’t imagine to be in this situation at this age when i was 16/17.

Not having proper sleep either, i am feeling so damn exhausted and barely functioning properly in the day. I don’t get to choose to fall asleep, my mind dictates that for me. And it’s been being an A bitch by keeping my brain occupied through the hours of the night. Believe me, i yearn for proper sleep. 

the job hunting is still fruitless, i had sent out my resumes to many companies and it looks like i will not have a job for quite a while. I AM NOT WORTHY. feeding on houseflies and relying heavily on tutoring for the time being. It’s little, all i have to do is spend a lot more time at home brooding. Sounds fun enough, pfft. Of course, i am taking all these lightly, the real sinking panic hadn’t set in. Exams – #1 priority and worry. It’s okay to encounter job opportunities setbacks. Ain’t discouraged, yet. 

Vampire Diaries ended, it felt like it was an end of an era or some sorts. I didn’t continue watch after season 4 & when i watched the series finale last week, SERIOUSLY. Damon and Elena did not have a conversation AT ALL throughout the last episode. So much for Damon working so hard to bring Elena back. 
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And that, it is the end of the Vampire era for now.

noor1
noor shirazie

All is well, all will be well. Keep studying, Sheryl. You are almost reaching the finishing line, May will arrive soon. Fuel up your tank and keep the momentum going. 

Have a good weekend ahead, earthlings.

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