the stream of memories

I miss you Granny.

Looking at the years that went by in a flash, i missed those times a lot to the point it hurts.

I miss spending my afternoons with you, trying the new dishes that you learnt to cook.

You resent your declining memory that is hindering your actions, you kept saying you live as though every morning will be your last.

I miss shifting my bed next to yours just so i can snuggle up to you and wrap my leg around you in the night while i sleep.

Your walking movements have slowed down significantly each time i see you and you always rant how life is useless when one’s memory worsen.

I miss having those little heart to heart talks with you, those times when you were my partner in crime in almost everything.

You feel useless and hate that you have to rely on your family. I could see the look in your eyes, how unhappy you are with the life you are having right now. I wish life could be easier for you.

I miss going out shopping with you, attending church masses with you. I miss eating dessert with you. I miss the times when i look forward to you coming home with snacks bought specially for me.

You don’t remember 3/4 of the things we do and say now. All i hope is you still remember the times we spent together , you raising me up for 18 years. Those weren’t just our moments spent together, those were valuable moments and lessons.

I miss your nagging and the times you carried me when i was a kid, soothing me to sleep when i was sickly. I miss you humming your favorite songs by my ear so that i will sleep peacefully.

You don’t remember my favorite food, you don’t remember our birthday dates are two days apart. You don’t remember the address of our home, where you stayed with me for more than 10 years. Your memory space shrunk significantly along with the sands of time.

I miss crying and screaming for you when you board the cab, heading off to hours of church activities and leaving me with my maternal grandparents. I was so afraid you weren’t coming back to the point i actually threaten my maternal grandparents that I’d call police to arrest them. (I thought the cab driver was evil and they worked together to send my Granny away)

I miss you , Granny. This one week’s stay-over i am glad i get to give you a shower almost everyday. I am glad i get to cook breakfast for you and it’s great that we both enjoy hilariously how it is my turn to nag at you instead. I love you, Granny.

I pray that you live long enough to see a few of your grand-kids marry and settle down. I pray that your memory don’t decline any faster and that you have contentment, comfort and fulfillment in your dementia daycare.

You are more like a best friend, a mother than a Granny to me. Anastasia animated movie reminds me so much of us.

anastasia-disneyscreencaps-com-247

See you next month, can’t wait.

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