aftermath of pampering

when a parent chooses to pamper / spoil / splurge on their offspring, bear in mind their offspring don’t get the final say. There are the three kinds of offspring when their parents are able to pamper them. #1. They abuse that privilege and ended up becoming what society labelled as spoiled brats. #2. They do not want to be pampered, they want to be independent and detach from that identity of being sheltered by the parent. #3 Minority group perhaps, the in between of the first two.

i happened to fall in the #2 category. i never act like a spoiled brat who wants this and want that, insisting strongly that my parents to get it for me if not i will scream and stomp on my feet. In outsiders POV, i am always under my Mom’s shelter/protection. Everything that i have since i was a kid, it was mostly bought by my Mom. My Mom has the habit (a bad one, actually) of showering me with love using money in the form of material items, which i strongly disliked and came to detest. Those who knew me better would have known how much more unhappy i would be whenever i receive an item from her. It’s the point where others seen it as “Your Mom loves you so much that’s why she bought it for you.” but in actual fact, no. It is “My Mom only knows how to show affection through spending money, she doesn’t know how to be a daughter’s best friend.”

I actually blogged about it almost a year ago here > The Act of Caring  and funny, i am ranting about it again in this time of the year.  I never asked to be pampered , all i want is just the minimal love and care. I don’t need material items from her. Yet obviously, that habit of hers doesn’t go away. I feel insulted , still a kid in her eyes and labelled as “Mummy’s girl” in her eyes. Yes, i know how much a mother feel towards their kid, wishing they’d never grow up and leave them. But really, all this time? It builds up this unspoken resentment i have, not towards her but towards myself. Like just how much must i do in order to not be seen as one who is pampered but independent instead?

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If i am pampered and a spoiled brat, i wouldn’t be doing part time jobs. I would just rely on my mother’s money instead. I wouldn’t want to earn my own money and use my own money on my expenses. I would be handicapped by Mother’s money. But no i am not.

I know people might say i am being unappreciative towards her. Not every child out there has the luxury to get pampered by their parents. I am thankful that she’s willing to pamper me with items and all throughout these years, but i am rebellious, hot tempered and headstrong not because she pampered me.

I rebel because i seek answers, i am growing up to find my self identity in which i very much yearn to free away from the identity of the daughter who’s under her Mother’s wings in the later part of my teenage years. My fuse is short, i have a temper in which i have toned down in recent two years, a lot better in fact. I don’t believe temper is hereditary (though my dad has worse temper than me) , patience is not something embedded in me which links with temper. Tutoring has helped me build up minimal patience in which helps in taming temper. Being hot tempered wasn’t bred due to the pampering. I am just annoyed when people don’t understand me , my words, my actions and i get even more angry when some things are done illogically. I am never that cheery sunshine person, i became Grumpy, yeah the dwarf from Snow white ever since i learnt more about my family.

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Part of me still lingers in the shadow of my protective upbringing, in which i tend to set myself to the expectations of my family, without giving much thought to my own expectations as a kid. I still hadn’t have my own identity that is completely detached away from my family, much to my disdain.

It’s not like you will read this, Mom. But look at your daughter, i am more than just the kid under your wings. My personality flaws, i know them all. I am still learning and stop pampering me. I don’t like it, in all honesty.

z9w1d

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