living in the light

capture

met up with Denise for dinner on Monday night, she couldn’t mask her surprise and curiosity after i gave her heartfelt advice on life-mainly relationships. “What happen to you? You have become the relationship guru.” I remembered her words. Nope, i don’t earn the title of being a relationship guru. You don’t need to experience 10 relationships to give relationship advice to a person.

It’s just lessons and observations on people around you. I know i have changed in terms of my malleable perspective on Life. My mindset have began to shift slowly and i feel it’s quite a healthy change in someways.Denise was a little taken back when i had shown a different attitude towards Life and i was giving off an emotionally healthy vibe. The previous time we met up was when i was still struggling to fight with my depression, emotions and also dealing with unhealthy relationships (friendships included).

It wasn’t the healthy time of my emotional state at all. Now i am different. Things have changed, my emotional health have significantly improved. The things we go through changes us, it reshapes our personality , our thoughts and it makes our perspective more malleable than it already is. And for me, to be able to feel alive again is almost like a miracle that knocked onto the wrong door. I am nevertheless grateful with what i have in life presently right now.

I do hold some resentment towards myself for giving Depression and Anxiety the chance to ruin my mental health for about two years but now that i think about it,  it isn’t completely horrible after going through that mental hell. At least i know what hell truly feels like mentally and i could differentiate – emotionally healthy and emotionally unhealthy. I feel that i am able to contain my negativity better and use it as a strength instead of a weakness against myself. That’s a step to living in the light right?

Should those two former best mental buddies of mine come to pay me a visit again, at least i could hold the initial defense a lot longer. Nobody said they’d be gone forever, it’s all hard mental work on the individual as well as external factors.

Started the new school year today and gee, i am feeling a drop of stress with my Financial Reporting module already. With my lecturer bringing up the word EXAM on the first day, red flags got flagged in my mind. It’s going to be a tedious triathlon (Assignment, Prelim & Exam in my context) at a land mine. I need to fuel up. I hope my other module will be less intimidating. It’s only the first week of senior year, jeez.

Meanwhile, i am still contemplating how to phrase my resignation explanation nicely so i can notify my manager tomorrow. She is nice but the environment is not healthy enough to keep me any later than October. If i could leave earlier that would be even better but well, one month’s notice. Will have to bear with another few more hectic Saturdays.

Drink up your water and eat plenty fruits, peeps. Happy Midweek !capt5ure

tempted to purchase Melissa Molomo’s book but it cost about 40USD with shipping (all the way from NY)- no kindle version, ugh. Love her words, they are the hard truths plus positive motivating vibes. Click here to check out her Instagram.

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