Holding close

“If there’s just one piece of advice I can give you, it’s this – when there’s something you really want, fight for it – don’t give up no matter how hopeless it seems. And when you’ve lost hope…ask yourself in 10 years from now…you’re gonna wish you gave it just one more shot. Because the best things in life, they don’t come free.”

— Meredith Grey (Grey’s Anatomy)

after a rollercoaster ride of emotions past few weeks, i’d assume it’s finally peaceful. That the storm’s over, that i can finally be at peace with my emotions and the inner voices in my head.

That i can finally have emotional turmoil free days, a normal week ahead with no disturbing thoughts. It’s not that much to ask for right?

Stress levels are increasing bit by bit every passing hour, with my first paper happening next Thursday. I am so unprepared, my brain is not digesting the contents that i have been drilling myself with.

I am not born academically smart to begin with, i have a fun-sized brain and the capacity has a limit.

The thought of V missing her papers last year striked something in me, i won’t deny i have thoughts of missing the first paper but …

i owe myself for this. I will give it a try, a try at my best, even if i know the odds of failing is skyhigh. I know it’s going to be a disappointment, i will do my best regardless.

Keep going, with the time i still have left before i sit for the paper.

i burnt out too early this third year, started working hard at the early part of the race and look , right now i am drained.

There’s still family stuff and others that factor to my stress levels, but yeah i know. Half of the things are unnecessary worry and paranoia that breed the stress.

Keep trying to push down the panic that is trying to rise up. Keep trying to force feed myself with lies that things are alright. Keep trying to convince myself that this too shall pass, but it isn’t passing.




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