a way through the fog

“He said the truth is like that water: it doesn’t matter how hard you try to bury it; it’ll always find some way back to the surface. It’s resilient.”

– K.A Tucker

the unsettling feeling is creeping up. i am feeling worried, scared. 

thoughts about different people went through my mind. From family – loved ones to important friends to even old childhood friends.

i want to pick up the phone and give her a call but the thought of hearing her voice and having to pretend that everything is okay when it is not, is depressing. 

a phone-call with her always leave my emotions running all over the place. I am afraid and helpless if i hear her sounding lonely and sad.

they tell me to not let the situation affect me, i should focus on my studies at the moment. Yes i know, unfortunately my mind doesn’t function that way no matter how i try to filter.

whatever thoughts i had of yesterday or a few days ago, they will find a spot to stay.

**

i find it adoring to see parents being lovey dovey infront of their kids. 8 out of 10 parents just lose the affection and spark for one another once they have kids. 

(Asian parents, actually. Many Caucasian parents still show affection for one another.) 

They don’t show affection for one another publicly anymore, how many parents out there actually still wear their wedding rings and hold hands when they are out? It makes me wonder. 

Is it because they have arrived at their end goal of getting married and having kids, therefore stop the affection they once had and become a pair of mundane people simply living under the same roof like roommates and raising their kids together? 

What happened to those lovey dovey days before they settled down and have their offspring? 

Is it embarrassing to remain affectionate publicly for one another after having kids? 

Maybe i watch a little too many shows. I think it’s healthy for kids to see love and affection through their parents and have the thought that, “When i grow up, i want to have a love that is as good as theirs.”

My parents are not in that category unfortunately and because of that, it actually becomes a factor in how i perceived love between two people when growing up.

** 

still living in a state of denial. I don’t think i wanna walk out of it, it’s comfortable. 

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