underwater 

if i ever dreamt of myself drowning, i don’t remember. 

But last night’s nightmare , i remembered. 

i walked to a big pool with three friends. We jumped in, one by one. 

instead of floating, i sank all the way down. I couldn’t keep my head above the surface.

i struggled, i couldn’t save myself. And i gave up. 

and my mind was conscious enough to wake me up seconds after. 

it hurts and i am injected with more fear and worry than i already have inside.

times like this i feel so burdensome and annoying. 

times like this i will push everyone away and lock myself in my mind. 

i know, i know.

can’t this girl stop feeling like this ? 

i know a part of me desperately wants to shut those emotions down & ignore.

i don’t want to confront them or go to that area . I am scared of my own emotions, my mind.

it’s like opening a can of worms.

the voice in my head’s been taunting me, mocking me.

i know i am not alone this time, that however makes me more worried and scared.

two is better than one yes, but not when it comes to this. 

x

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