A little improvement 

I feel a little bit emotionally & mentally stronger today. 

I did screwed up my piano exam , the worst kind of music exam screwed up i’d ever did.

I could have broke down after the exam was over. But i didn’t. No point dwelling. It’s over, i did my best. 

I do feel the blues and disappointment , but i am really glad it’s over. One baggage down.

I feel emotionally stronger in that sense. It’s an improvement, otherwise i’d be crying and self blaming and stressing over the outcome. 

My mom & teacher were worried that i’d break down half way (i didn’t even take the anxiety pill before the exam even, kudos to me i guess) 

Ok next up, prelims. Save me, i am definitely be scoring very x10 badly for prelims. But it’s okay, the finals is the ultimate outcome. 

Mentally stronger today because i manage to calm and tone down the negative state of mind i had for a while today.

Of course, it’s not all on my own. Sachi and Angie who texted me gave me encouragement did help, as well as Mark… who is making my heart flutter. 

They kept me calm and i was able to maintain a calm state of mind with little negative thoughts today- almost zero.

I hope i can sleep through the night till my alarm goes off. I am terribly tired. Really, it feels like i can collapse and fall asleep anytime. Meeting my fav sub clique tmr, can’t wait.

The whole wakin up in the middle of the night pattern is wearing me out, the dreams, the thoughts, the strange feelings consuming me.

Is it weird that i am thinking things way ahead? 

x

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