words carry weight 

nobody say you need to put so much pressure on yourself.

nobody say you must be as good as others because out there ,not everyone has the privilege to even study till tertiary level. 

nobody say this nobody say that.

depressives know depressives.

Non-depressives don’t know how easily a simple statement / remark can be twisted into a form of pressure / self loathe in a depressive’s mind. Be it intentional or unintentional remarks.

It’s the heightened sensitivity that built up overtime in depressives, it makes things a lot harder for our minds to convince ourselves that it’s just our mind twisting words to fuck us over. 

I had a wake up call to my academic reality. But at the same time, i feel so much of a drag, a burden, a piece of waste that can’t be recycled.

I haven’t been having good sleep these days either, i am royally fucked over by my sleeping pattern and nightmares.

I have my happy moments too, with friends and family. But right now, the bad things are flooding back. Those very depressive thoughts that went for a short vacation are back to haunt me.

The haunted look i had in my eyes , i know there are a few around me who could see right through me. And all i do is just continue to put on that facade. 

Because they know, it’s just something we have to let it slide pass. 

Because one day, it will all end. It will come to an end. 

On a side note my weight have hit a new low of 40.8 , which is really bad. 

An interesting figure entered my life, and i don’t know why. Something tells me this one is here for a different good reason.

x

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “words carry weight 

  1. Depressives do know depressives, we are sensitive and do blame our minds for over thinking someones words. On the other hand, many of the greatest poets, song writers, artists and actors that ever lived fought depression most of their lives.

    1. Yeah we somehow endedup twisting others’ words and interpret in the bad way even if it’s not their intention. I wonder how those famous people get through with depression, like they somehow manage to recover and overcome it

      1. They display and take advantage of it when they paint, write or act. They release the sorrow through the passion of their work. Ive written many poems to release pain. Eric Clapton wrote My Fathers Eyes because he had never met his father, the song also relates to his son Conner who died after falling from a balcony. Many people must have related to the song it stayed on the top 100 list for a while and five weeks at number two.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s