nobody say you need to put so much pressure on yourself.
nobody say you must be as good as others because out there ,not everyone has the privilege to even study till tertiary level.
nobody say this nobody say that.
depressives know depressives.
Non-depressives don’t know how easily a simple statement / remark can be twisted into a form of pressure / self loathe in a depressive’s mind. Be it intentional or unintentional remarks.
It’s the heightened sensitivity that built up overtime in depressives, it makes things a lot harder for our minds to convince ourselves that it’s just our mind twisting words to fuck us over.
I had a wake up call to my academic reality. But at the same time, i feel so much of a drag, a burden, a piece of waste that can’t be recycled.
I haven’t been having good sleep these days either, i am royally fucked over by my sleeping pattern and nightmares.
I have my happy moments too, with friends and family. But right now, the bad things are flooding back. Those very depressive thoughts that went for a short vacation are back to haunt me.
The haunted look i had in my eyes , i know there are a few around me who could see right through me. And all i do is just continue to put on that facade.
Because they know, it’s just something we have to let it slide pass.
Because one day, it will all end. It will come to an end.
On a side note my weight have hit a new low of 40.8 , which is really bad.
An interesting figure entered my life, and i don’t know why. Something tells me this one is here for a different good reason.