Don’t say i didn’t warn ya

  • 10 days to marketing test
  • 14 days to Piano exam
  • 21 days to first Prelim paper 
  • 31 days to end of Prelims 

I skipped soci lecture today, it’s my 8th time missing tuesdays lecture. I woke up feeling so exhausted, i don’t even recall offing three alarms at different intervals. 

I pulled myself out of bed reluctantly when it was finally noon. I just feel so moodless & don’t have the focus to get anything done productively today, apart from practicing the piano. 

It wasn’t a total depress i wanna die state, it’s more like idgaf even if there’s a zombie apocalypse happening right outside of my home. I don’t feel like doing anything but laze and get my brain memory charged (in a way). 

I went out in the evening for my every six months dental visit and i offered my help to a mother carrying a toddler and a huge bag who was trying to find out which bus goes to her destination.

I guess that was a nice thing i did today, cus i actually speak out to the mother automatically when i see her having thoughts of asking every bus driver that stops by the stop if the bus goes to the place.

And i was relived to see her husband waiting for her at the stop that she alighted (we took the same bus).

Something that made me feel genuinely happy today? Probably a motherly talk with my dentist. She’s so motherly and serene, almost like an angel. Things that she told me made me feel a little more comforted about my life ahead. 

If only she’s a psychiatrist instead of a dentist. *chuckles* 

I spent 45 minutes in Cedele after my dental. People watching , watch the vehicles go by and office adults walk across the roads, lost in my own train of thoughts.

It felt so peaceful and serene. It’s been a while since i get to tune out my reality and worries and stone for minutes in relaxation. 

I felt so zen, like my mind was taking a nap away from reality.

Was supposed to meet ZH for dinner today, but i am too moodless & there was this gut feeling that tell me if i meet him, i’d cave in & everything will fall apart around me. 

I wasn’t ready to face that kind of situation yet, so i chose to back out (i know he’s prolly disappointed & pissed, but he’ll understand eventually) 

Tomorrow’s Wednesday, i wish it will be a peaceful light hearted day. I hadn’t been having good dreams, i can’t tell anyone except to bring them to my coffin.
My maroon journal that i bought two weeks ago is still empty, perhaps it’s time to fill the pages. 

I am afraid. I am afraid of what’s about to happen soon. And i may not to able to get myself back , not even a piece.

x

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