Don’t we all wonder this at least once in our life?
Had the worse sleep pattern of the week so far. Woke up at 2+ thinking i overslept. And then i had this bizarre dream.
It was like a film / story that i might have come across which i don’t remember.
I dreamt that a young man was separated from his young wife who was his childhood best friend. He was forced to serve for the nation. He went for war, suffered a lot and had an elderly motherly caretaker to attend to his injuries.
Forcefully taken far away from his home, his wife wept only to find out she was pregnant – with a girl.
Years passed, she waited, there was no news from him at all. The man suffered a lot as he tried to go against his superiors to get a chance to go home but he kept getting sent out for war , his superiors made sure he’s away from home and uncontactable, throughout the wars, he watched many of his mates died.
I jolt awake again at 4:02 am, and the dream continued. My mind was conscious that i was dreaming, i was like witnessing the entire thing like a ghost.
The wife grew older (mid thirties/ early forties?) their daughter was in her late teens. Soldiers were having some ceremony with the presence of government head officials and the man who have aged with several battle scars shouted out loud. Young Meryl Streep and George Bush was there in the dream too! Even Brendan Fraser was amongst the soldiers.
The man stood out and fought for soldiers’ rights to return home and he started firing using his rifle. People started scattering, soldiers started rebelling along with him. And the scene skipped to him back to his home.
He came face to face with his wife who still lived in their house and was shocked, she waited for years and she thought he was dead. “You didn’t write, you didn’t come back, i thought you were dead.”
The wife had tears in her eyes but she was more furious than happy. She was in shock to see the husband she waited for years was standing right infront of her.
The man wanted to explain the pain and hardships he went through and how much he wanted to return home to her but he wasn’t allowed to, but no words could flow out from him.
Their daughter was distant towards him too. And he found out his own mother married his father-in-law (wtf i know).
The man was heartbroken. His wife had remarried and left him the house, taking their daughter with her. He was alone in the empty house, and he came upon two locked drawers.
He broke open the drawer and saw many unopened unsent letters written by his wife over the years and drawings / birthday cards done by his daughter. The man wept and then my alarm went off.
I was shocked about the dream, i never had such a long dream that actually continued even after i woke up in between.
I even went to google whether was there a similar film / book but no such results came up. I felt so much for the man as well as his wife.
On a side note, i feel quite disciplined today. Spent my entire afternoon at starbucks doing my work and i realised Sebs and i could do our stuff quietly without chit chatting. So discipline and comfortable hahaha.
It’s our first time sitting side by side doing our own things quietly, surprisingly. Or maybe cause i was way too absorbed in my work.
But it’s cool, i did had a minor panic feeling ran through me while he went to eat his lunch with his friends, i took deep breathes & calmed down within a minute.
That’s good i guess. No anxiety pills taken at all. I feel that’s a small improvement on relying my own strength and willpower to overcome the anxiety.
There wasn’t much depressing thoughts swimming around my mind today as compared to yesterday.
But i am feeling more unprepared for piano exam and prelims as the clock continues to tick.
Giving myself a break tomorrow night, i hope all goes well. I just need a safe smooth night tomorrow with my peers.