switch off the tears tap  

my managerial econs test was horrifying. I panicked a little and my brain went empty, took me minutes to get my head together.

The sound of fast tapping on the calculator near me escalates my stress level & i was like panicking “am i doing too slow? Is this suppose to be easy? Am i using the long way to solve?” 

i caught other students around me flipping the lecture notes as though it’s an open book test. I would have flip through my notes, but i am disciplined enough (a pat on my back for that) . 

Though i did help HB with her workings when she ask me, i don’t feel bad helping her. I feel useful BUT at the same time i am scared i end up teaching her the wrong thing. 

Fingers crossed. The test is over, i need to stop dwelling on how badly i did. 

Thursdays are the worst day of the week, so i tend to never look forward to thursdays especially. 

It’s the day where my panic attacks usually happens & my mood is usually unpredictable.

But well, Sebs is dropping by tomorrow after my class ends (for valid helpful reasons) but okay, at least there’s someone i trust & comfortable with who will be by my side for a short while tomorrow.

Looking forward to the weekend, i am so drained. So far hadn’t encounter withdrawal symptoms from clomipramine yet.

Nothing make me feel genuinely happy today either. Sigh. At least no tearing today, that’s something i am thankful.

I think i am a sad walking human that gives out nothing but negativity. So unhealthy, so depressing. 

Even zombies express more emotions than me, well in a way.



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