V gave me a link on mindfulness this morning, hoping it will help me when i have panic attacks outside especially during lecture.
I need to read about it over the weekend and learn, see if it works for me.
God, i am so thankful to reach out and reconnect with her. I love how we could just randomly text / snapchat in the middle of the night when we can’t sleep.
I’ve a managerial econs test tomorrow and i am worried like crazy.
#1. I am totally unprepared . I mean i did revise but i am not 100% ready, just like 30%?
#2. I know it’s just a test that doesn’t carry any weightage, but it reflects my progress & how well i understand the contents of the topic.
#3. I just can’t stop worrying plus the peer pressure for this module is close , as in our scores are so close, i feel like i am tossed into an unspoken race.
#4. I don’t want to disappoint myself and my lecturer because this module is far by far my favourite module of the year. Which sucks if i do badly.
#5. I just need something to worry about otherwise i won’t be me. And it’s always school related.
I am bone tired. My brain is exhausted after clocking in 3 hours of self studying two consecutive days. My eyes are weary & my body is aching all over.
I sound like an old grumpy grandma , but really i could use plenty of sleep. My dreams feels so real that whenever i wake up, i feel like my energy has been used up in my dream.
I wake up feeling more tired, more down, more depress.
There’s just this unfinish mountain high stack of to revise stuff for school. I have never been this hardworking in my entire academic life. I think being a University student in LSE really does mould me into a better person in terms of discipline & perseverance.
It heightens my independence as well as test my limits also not forgetting , daily squeezing of brain juices.
I have decided to stop taking the remaining clomipramine. I am wary of the withdrawal effects hence despite i am not given new set of clomipramine last week, i still continue to take the remaining clomipramine pills that i have.
Well, i guess i am ready to stop. I just hope the withdrawal effects won’t hit me as bad as before.
Fingers crossed and may i be able to sit for the test without feeling panicky.
On the side note, 20 days to piano exam. Shit me.
I did two nice things for three people today during my self study session. But nothing makes me feel genuinely happy today.