Setting the pace


V gave me a link on mindfulness this morning, hoping it will help me when i have panic attacks outside especially during lecture.

I need to read about it over the weekend and learn, see if it works for me. 

God, i am so thankful to reach out and reconnect with her. I love how we could just randomly text / snapchat in the middle of the night when we can’t sleep.

I’ve a managerial econs test tomorrow and i am worried like crazy. 

#1. I am totally unprepared . I mean i did revise but i am not 100% ready, just like 30%? 

#2. I know it’s just a test that doesn’t carry any weightage, but it reflects my progress & how well i understand the contents of the topic.

#3. I just can’t stop worrying plus the peer pressure for this module is close , as in our scores are so close, i feel like i am tossed into an unspoken race.

#4. I don’t want to disappoint myself and my lecturer because this module is far by far my favourite module of the year. Which sucks if i do badly. 

#5. I just need something to worry about otherwise i won’t be me. And it’s always school related.

I am bone tired. My brain is exhausted after clocking in 3 hours of self studying two consecutive days. My eyes are weary & my body is aching all over. 

I sound like an old grumpy grandma , but really i could use plenty of sleep. My dreams feels so real that whenever i wake up, i feel like my energy has been used up in my dream.

I wake up feeling more tired, more down, more depress. 

There’s just this unfinish mountain high stack of to revise stuff for school. I have never been this hardworking in my entire academic life. I think being a University student in LSE really does mould me into a better person in terms of discipline & perseverance. 

It heightens my independence as well as test my limits also not forgetting , daily squeezing of brain juices.

I have decided to stop taking the remaining clomipramine. I am wary of the withdrawal effects hence despite i am not given new set of clomipramine last week, i still continue to take the remaining  clomipramine pills that i have. 

Well, i guess i am ready to stop. I just hope the withdrawal effects won’t hit me as bad as before. 

Fingers crossed and may i be able to sit for the test without feeling panicky.

On the side note, 20 days to piano exam. Shit me. 

I did two nice things for three people today during my self study session. But nothing makes me feel genuinely happy today. 

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