a sunburnt sunday 


 Had a fun comforting Sunday , (wished you were here, Koey. But it’s ok i know i will be seeing ya real soon ❤️) despite the terrible awful sunburnt that makes me feel so warm & my skin tingles. 

I didn’t bring out my afternoon meds with me, i ended out zoning out and slipped into a silent state for minutes. I faded out from the present surroundings & dazed, thinking about life, worrying about school stuff.

It took a long shower to refresh myself up but i was still so exhausted after spending the whole afternoon under the scorching sun plus without my afternoon meds , i was feeling even more lethargic & sleepy.

I need to feel better and so does my diet. 

I am still at 42kg range despite eating more rice , more meat. I feel unhealthy, i feel weak. I hate how small my appetite is right now. 

I went home and locked myself in the room to dwell on my thoughts and relieve the exhausting leg muscles. I started tearing. 

I just felt sad, time flies too fast. We are already in 2016, gone were those younger years when i was 19,20. Sounds like i am having a quarter life crisis or something.

I feel even more sad that i can’t see my poly clique as often anymore. I wish i could see them every week, but we all have our own lives & important commitments to attend to.

I just feel sad and i wish i could do some more things for the group.

I have a sudden bomb test on wednesday , i have yet to even prepare for. Shall spend some time studying in the late noon tomorrow after my every monday gym visits (so far the momentum is ongoing) since i burnt away my Sunday. 

I m so tired , what if one day i just decide it’s too much and i finally take the courage to die and overdose from my meds ? 



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