had the worst nightmare (it may just be a normal dream to you) since my depression relapse.
I woke up in tears screaming/wailing at 4+ am that my mom could hear from her bedroom.
I was in deep emotional pain that i just let the dream consume my mind. I couldn’t stop the crying due to the shock.
I ended up popping down another sleeping pill that send me back to sleep for another 3 hours.
the nightmare wasn’t about monsters or ghosts chasing me. It was my secrets spilling and me getting cornered by my guy friends (incl my ex boyfriend) who were once close to me.
The punishment of keeping secrets? They come haunting you in your sleep. Especially the secrets that you rather bring to your coffin.
I remembered vividly in the dream my ex boyfriend argued with Kris (one of my close guy friend) over Kris’s feelings for me & i looked at my ex in tears ,shaking my head in despair because it was the first time we met since we broke up (based on my dream. We hadn’t met since June).
And when he gave the “i know what you did last summer ” look when i was cornered by him and my other guy friends, i was completely ruined in my dream & in reality.
I wrote my dream down the moment i woke because this dream (to me it’s a nightmare) is too nerve wrecking. It’s came too close to me on the emotional side.
Even right now, i am still disturbed by it. It feels like a pre-warning what’s coming my way. I could feel paranoia wrapping itself comfortably around my ankles like a snake.
I can’t shake off the feeling that something even worse is going to happen. I might just die from the secrets i bottled up so closely to my heart.
I feel like crying in a corner and give in to the other side that wants to eat finish what’s left remaining of me.
I could barely keep up acting normal the entire day despite i had overseas trip plans to keep me occupied throughout the afternoon.
Now that i am alone after class, the moment of self-loathing comes in. I hate that girl in the mirror i see everyday. I hate how weak she has become, how defenceless she became.