It’s all in my head 

those dark thoughts in my head stirring up a storm is ready to combust anytime. 

Not getting better , one moment it’s one step forward next thing is two steps backwards. 

I am having trouble with sleeping smoothly without having any nightmares. There’s sleeping pills to make us sleep, relax and fall asleep. 

But there aren’t pills that i’ve heard of that can control an individual from having nightmares. 

I don’t know what i am doing. 

These few days i find myself idling and not doing anything productive for school. I just let time slipped past me and drown myself in reading fictional books instead of mugging and revising.

It’s like part of me finally gave up and let the flames engulf me. 

I find myself crying in the night before i sleep, tears to put me to sleep. Tears that remind me that i am still alive, that i am still suffering in my own cage of hell that i locked myself in.

Everybody have demons, that’s for sure. My demons comes in different forms and haunt in different ways. And none are ready to let me go. I am trying to let go, little by little. 

But who am i without my demons?

Are the pills really helping? Or is it just me wanting to believe that the pills are helping , that whenever i feel better, it’s the pills that are doing their job, not me. 

I don’t want anyone to come near my heart anymore. Disappointment kills. I don’t want people to have expectations in me. I can’t get out of this shithole. 

I am sorry i am a letdown, i always been. That’s the only thing people will remember/know me by. 

It’s just me against my mind. All in my head, the war. 

Depression is a real bitch. It’s a fire that can’t be extinguish and i was the firestarter. 

x

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One thought on “It’s all in my head 

  1. And May you find compassion for your conscious self and be at peace. Perhaps you’ve picked up external disturbing vibes? We actually can do powerful clearing for ourselves if we give pure intent. One may say “I now give intent to release all forms of energy
    that don’t serve me for my highest good. I release.. I release.. I release. And may the divinity within bless me with self-esteem and protection. “

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