Poker face 

Paxidorm is working for me, such joy. My mind manage to cave in to sleep within an hour of tossing. 

It’s so much better than tossing for hours, definitely.

I was so moodless on tuesday that even after a shower and breakfast, at the last minute i changed to my sleepwear and crawled back to bed, giving school a miss.

My motivation came to a haul this week. It hasn’t been a productive week , the guilt is eating my insides bit by bit. 

Every module is getting harder and it’s demoralizing when i can’t grasp the concepts immediately. 

I felt really depressed on Wednesday afternoon and i wanted to find Koey / AJ to talk , but they were studying for exams / not in school respectively.

I was so close to having a breakdown in school, i was terribly afraid of myself, of everything. I locked myself in a cubicle for like fifteen minutes before putting a poker face and head to class.

That few minutes in the cubicle i really wanted to vaporize. 

poker face me have been juggling well this week, keeping up the necessary expressions, making sure the real me doesn’t appear and ruin everything in public. 

I had bad cramps yesterday, gave school a miss again.

Yes, i missed two days of school this week. I am not proud of that. I solemnly swear i will push myself to not miss any more classes. 

Keeping myself at home this weekend because my room is the safest. 

Happy halloween. 

x

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3 thoughts on “Poker face 

  1. Will you being doing things while in your room that you enjoy? Sometimes I choose to stay home but make crafts, clean my apartment, watch movies, read or write. I understand the whole wanting to feel safe thing, but must admit, breaking free and going out is fun.

    Hugs

    1. Yeah! The wanting to feel safe and away from people 🙂 takes a lot to step out to put on a “normal” face to hang out with people

      Thanks dear! x

      1. I went out tonight with friends to a block party. My face was not “normal” though, I did a really bad paint-job, Visit my blog to see, XD we had a great time!

        You’re welcome sweetie!

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