Dive dark , dream slow 

coincidental nurse cartoon bedsheet

Hi Famotidine and Atarax. They are my old friends and now we are reunited once again. 

Yes more pills to take, i don’t know how much longer can my body handle.

i slept before 11pm last night, and next thing, i was up at 2:20 am. I jolt awake from a dream i couldn’t remember and i laid awake till 5am before i get up to shower for school.  

My thoughts kept me awake the whole night. They were loud, raw and they cut me deep. 

Feeling vulnerable , struggling to keep things going as per normal , afloat. The anxiety gets in my way , the slightest thing could just make me worry an entire day.

I find myself detached from conversations this week. I will talk halfway and then occupy myself with something else that can allow me to disengage from the conversation.

I can be laughing at your joke while thinking a truckload about something that can set my anxiety and thoughts on fire. 

It’s what my demons always do to me. 

I was taking down notes during my marketing lecture this morning and half way through, i froze for a second. 

Having the urge of wanting to tear, i forced the tears back down, it was like compressing air out of a vacuum bag. 

I cannot have an episode in the lecture theatre. I can’t let this happen in school. 

I kept reminding myself and I sunk my fingernails deep into my palm, the pain manage to pull me away.

Depression and anxiety can be fatal, a voice inside my head said.

That statement has already been proven one too many times, i know.

I just can’t help thinking , i am going to be one of the many who will die because of it. 

It’s easier to pretend everything’s fine than to admit nothing is fine.

Goodnight . 

x

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